Here's are some ideas for comebacks and comments for kid's show performers for various situations.  If you'd have something to add to the document, log-in and use the comment form at the bottom.  Remember not to come across to strong in your witty comebacks as to offend parents of the children.  Let's get started:

I’ve Seen This One Before

• "I haven’t so don’t spoil it for me."
• "Oh, so you don’t want to see the appearing elephant trick again?"
• "So have I."
• "That makes 2 of us."
• "Good, that way if I get stuck you can help me out."
• "In that case, I’ll have to blindfold you."
• "I guess you don’t want to see it then." (start to put it away, until others complain)

I Know How This One is Done

• "I sure hope that I do too."
• "So do I."
• "I don’t remember this one, maybe you can come up to help me."  If you think they would be a good volunteer have them come up, if you don’t say, “On second thought, let’s find someone who doesn’t know how it works.”
• "That makes 2 of us."
• "Great, don’t tell anyone, it will be our little secret."

Adults Talking During the Show

• To the children, “Should we make them stay after the show is over for talking too loudly.”
• Organize the children and lead them is saying “1, 2, 3 BE QUIET.”
• Ask the child a question and after their response, say “I’m sorry I am having trouble hearing you, CAN YOU SPEAK MORE LOUDLY.”
• "I hope my magic isn’t interfering with your conversation."
• "We need a slightly taller volunteer for this next trick." (Pick the adult who is making the most noise and drag them over to participate.)

Children Not Staying Seated

• "You seem to be very tall for someone that is sitting down."
• "You need to keep seated so others behind you can see."
• "OK, this magic only works when everyone’s bottom in on the floor."

Child Being Disputive/Heckling

• "We can talk about that after the show."
• "Are we no longer friends?"
• "I'm sorry, I don't speak that language."